I dont know

The reason I titled this blog I dont know is because I dont have the slightest clue on how I feel about certain things happening in my life right now. Right now I am waiting on my career to take off and I don't want to go back to school for my PH.D but if I have to then that's what I will do. As for my personal life I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I feel letting go of my past and moving on from all the crap that happened last year is really helping me grow. But in a way I can admit somethings have changed in my life that have taken me to the point of no return. It's sad but when its done its done. I can't spend my life looking backwards anymore. I can't sit in my bed and cry myself to sleep and be up all night pounding my head about if I am making the right decision for myself. All I have ever asked is to be happy and for a long time I haven't been happy. I can honestly say I tired but I know where my heart is and where it is not. I will always love him but I can't go into working it out mode when I have feelings for another man. I don't know what to do, this is when life is really sticky and crazy. I just need a vacation and a couple of months go by then maybe my mind will be clear. Well got to go back to class. TTYL