TGIF...My coming of age

Thank God It's Friday....Well last night I had a really relaxing night. No drama only laughs and it made me realize this next month will be a year when everything in my life turned up side down. I believe its time for me to forgive and move on. The whole thing is like beating a dead horse. I am really taking this time out from relationships to work on me and I know some people cant respect that but hey its my decision. I can honestly say I am ready to move on from all this past summer drama and earlier this year drama. I am ready to start my rebuilding process, now I don't know where it might take me or what might happen I just know all the crap that happened last year and earlier this year is out of my life. I am done with that drama and I don't need it in my life. In order for me to move on and be happy I have to let all that go, now I am a stubborn person but I have to protect my heart and my kids that's the number one thing to me. But I realized everyone has moved on from it but me, and I think the pain and the embarrassment kept me from moving on. Everyone has been telling me to move on Myeika move on....But no one was dealing with it but me. Now I am ready to move on for myself. I am really over it the whole thing. I am over all the lies the cheating the drama the back and forth. I can't live my life fighting a up hill losing battle. Well time for me to enjoy my weekend this  is the first weekend in a long time that I am not dealing with drama and I feel free. I haven't felt this way since graduation and that was 2010. I am ready to get that old me back and leave this bitter, mean, person behind. But don't get it twisted I am not about to let no one get over on me again. Love and live your life but learn your lessons. TTYL

Hey peoples

Well looks like my summer is going to start off boring. One of my goals was to have a full time regular job by now and have my kids in daycare. But that goal didn't happen and it's not because I haven't tried either. But oh well life goes on I am not I repeat not going to be sitting in this house this summer like I did last summer pondering on what I should and shouldn't have done. This summer I will have my truck back by June 29th, and I cant wait for that. I hopefully will be invited to the FBI Interview process and then where ever God sees for me to go thats where I am going. For my 30th I don't want anything real big, I think I am just going to go away for a week. Maybe Hollywood, San Francisco, or a Mexican Cruise. I am not going to sit around here and worry about how I am going to get any money for anything. I am just going to live my life. I noticed when I stop trying to make things happen they happen on their own so that's my new motto. I do know one thing I am planning on going to the beach for the 4th of July weekend. Iam spend some time with my mom for her bday and then I am going to hang with my girls and maybe somebody might pop up and see how we party on the E.S. He keep saying he wants to go to the beach so who knows the balls in his court we welcome all new comers. You know one thing if feels good to have a friend that I can count on. My truck is fixed right now but I don't have the 750 to pay my duct able and I wont have it until the 29th. But he honestly said  he would take me to handle grocery shopping or anything else I needed, and he's taking me to get my truck when its fixed. To me sex aside that's a real friend. He's not expecting nothing or laying demands on me, saying if I do this then you need to do that. You know what I mean. I can honestly say even if me and him were not sleeping together we will always remain friends. One thing I can say is we were friends before lovers. Well time for me to get dinner finished just had that on my mind. TTYL everyone have a safe and happy Memorial Day Weekend. No DUI's

Today was a great day

Today was a very good day. It started off rocky but after I took my test and found out I passed the FBI test. I was so excited, even if I don't make it to the next step I am still proud of myself and I haven't been that in a long time. It felt good to see that email and know that out of thousands of people they choose me. It's still shocking they actually picked me to sit for the exam and I aced it. Tomorrow I am going to get my sons Birthday cake before I kill him. He has been bugging me about this birthday cake. Yesterday was funny also I talked Dre into driving me to go get my home girl Lisa and drive her around. That was a funny afternoon these two cracking me up about my skirt I had on and talking about relationships. I am telling you it was to funny. I went to see Avengers the other day and I personally endorse that movie. It's a movie I would go see again. I am going to see Batman and Spider Man when they come out also. Well I have a paper due in a couple of days and I am going to chill for the weekend. I wanted to go home but of course my truck situation is up in the air right now so I am stay put. I guess I will finish this paper and figure out how to make some extra money. Other then that I hope everyone has a great weekend and don't let no one bring your joy down. I have been doing that for awhile, and it's no ones fault but my own. I have let  things and people influence me to not do the right thing for me and I am not about to let that happen anymore. This job is a open window. You know how they say God never closes a door without opening a window...This job is one in a million, hell it's one in a million to get a email from them let alone sit for the test. Working for the FBI is my window and I am going to take it and run with it. I prayed the other night when I was crying on the phone with my mom and I clearly said God I can't do this anymore its all in your hands. After I said that two days later I received this email and I prayed before I took the test and I received a passing score. My mom is right God isn't dead and he ant sleep. I thought I was a big screw up in a lot of things. But looking back I did wrong just like everyone else has done wrong. But unlike others I am owning up to my wrongs and not trying to sweep my wrongs under the rug. I acknowledge everything I have done and owned up to everything. I am telling you people until you own up to your mistakes you will never be able to move on. I feel free of all the burden and all the wrongs, and all the lies. I may never get married,  or find that special one for me. But hey at least I can say I am happy being alone and I am happy with my life. Everything isn't perfect but I am alive, I have food, my lights are on, I have a roof over me and my kids head. The past week or so I have really had my faith tested and I realize its not all about the big things, you have to love the little things in life. I think that's where my relationship went wrong there was no communication and it was all about the big things never the little things like saying I am sorry or are you ok. Those words take nothing to say but if you never hear them how are you going to know if that person is there for you or are they their just because they don't want to be alone and you are a here for now thing. Well time for me to get my work done. Have a Blessed Weekend everyone TTYL..

Long TIme

Hey everyone it’s been a long time since the last time I was on here. I said I was going to lay off blogging for a bit so I did. Now I am back to release some stress and update what’s been going on with me. Well last week was a bad week for me I was in a car accident but I am ok and my truck is being fixed right now. No one thinks to lower their dutiable until after the accident, even though mines is $750 that's not bad but that's a lot of money to try to come up with and still pay your regular monthly expensive especially when you can only count on yourself to help you do it. As far as my love life right now it’s pretty much in stale mate. If you know anything about the game chess you would know that means it’s not going anywhere. My X is moving to South Carolina and I was seriously thinking about moving down there with him but I saw something’s that made me change my mind. I just can't move somewhere I know no body and risk the chance of being UN happy. I have my kids to think about and I am not about to have them bouncing around the world behind me following some man. I just can't see myself doing that. I told him that and of course he blew up, but hey I had to do what’s right for me and he has to do what's right for himself I can only respect that. I have no hard feeling that’s life you win some you lose some. In my opinion he's putting all this blame on Dre and he really has nothing to do with what went on between me and my X because truth be told my X was stepping out back in 2010 I didn't start hanging out with Dre until 2011. But that's water under the bridge. I got some good news people. I received an email from the FBI about an Intelligence position. I can't wait to see where this goes and I am all for this job. I need to take charge of my life and not worry about all the access drama. I have no problem having a career, my children and no relationship. Although my kids were looking forward to me and my X working out our differences it just wasn't in the cards. But they are young and they will soon get over it and realize mommy has to live her life for her and not to make another man happy. Life is about give and take and relationships are what you put into them. So if you don't put your all into them then they will never work, and honestly neither one of us has put our all into this relationship in a long time. Without trust and respect there is no relationship, better to end as friends then end as enemies. Well gotta roll TTYL. Kiss Kiss.

The job offer

I can't believe I have made it to the next round of interviews for this job in Madison WI. I am see about the next couple of steps before I go visit Madison. Wisconsin is so damn cold but 70K a year will get me moving and maybe I might just be happier with a new start. I am miss my family and friends but I can't seem to find a good job here so I have no choice. I talked to my kids and they are fine with us leaving. I don't care what their fathers say because I am raising these kids alone so they are a non factor. I am single and I have no relationship ties here anymore so nothing is holding me back. I have been looking for homes and they are so nice out their big yards near the water. I would love to share that with someone but that's not in my cards right now. Who knows maybe my dream man is in Madison. LOL So yes guys I have made up my mind if they offer me the job which it's looking good I will be packing up the truck and moving. Except this time NorthAmerica will be moving us and we will be on Delta waiting to land. I am miss Maryland and I am miss everyone. But this job is the salary I have always wanted to make plus I have stock options and room to grow in the company. Well keep praying for us. TTYL

Lost of Faith

I have worked so hard to get where I am. I have been applying to every job I can think of and I was getting to the point I was about to give up. Today I got a email that I was qualified for a federal job. I have to keep the faith. With everything going on in my life it's hard to keep that faith. I am down on my luck and now is the time for me to figure out what's going on in my life and where I want to take certain things. Now that I am going through hard times certain people have abandoned me but hey that's ok. God will help me get through what I am going through. All the stress depending on other people I don't need that and I don't need people in my life who are only there for me when I can help them. Well time for me to lay back down and figure somethings out.

Realization

I titled this blog realization because after this weekend I heard a couple of voice mails on my phone and several text messages and came to the realization that I need to move on and be by my damn self. I am not going to let anyone I don't care who you are talk to me or talk about me like I was talked to this past weekend. I had a wonderful time this past weekend and I don't care who knows it. Some people are just thrown off their rocker especially when they know you are not together and they know you are going away with someone else. But I am so over that, and him telling me he has company and asking me for an address to a club in Ocean City didn't make me feel bad at all. I know what's what and I know who has my back 100% and not only when they are getting what they want. I will be 30 this year and I am planning to go to either Scandals Bahamas Resort or One and Only Resort in Jamaica. That whole week I will not be worried about other people and their problems. I will be chilling with whom ever I decide to ask to go with me. They will only be going if they can pay their half also.

Life is to short to be sitting up here worried about who he is with or what he is doing. I don't ask him to worry about what I am doing. Hell if he cared about what I was doing he wouldn't of turned on me so fast. He wouldn't of walked away now would he. But guess what he's mad and we all know why he is mad. His main plan with the other chick didn't go where he wanted it so he thinks I can't do no better then him and I should fall back in line like a little solider. Bull Shit I had plans made when he was running behind the other women's skirt tail. Just because his road lead to no where doesn't mean I have to make a U-turn and pick him back up. It just means I make better choices in the people I surround myself around. I can go the rest of my life and not have to deal with this tug a war between me, him, and the other guy. But after being disrespected the way I was this past weekend no one has to worry about playing tug a nothing. What else is real funny this man comes to my home state with the other women in a rental car he asked me to pay for drives past me to go to the airport and doesn't think about my feelings. But I go to a resort where he was TALKING about taking me: I put TALKING in caps because that's all it was TALK...and I get called all types of names. See there's no color to anything he does it's all black and white and I should be the sweet girlfriend and throw away a great friendship and a great weekend because he wants to be a child and pout. He can keep pouting over that spilled milk because guess what I am be alright. DEUCES back to you. I was born in this world alone and I will leave it the same way. TTYL