Today I sat back and thought about where my life is headed and where I want it to go. I have made myself some serious long terms goals. I plan on buying my first house in 2014 and I plan on being settled down by then in a strong healthy relationship. I have also decided to further my education and get my PH.D in Criminology and my first choice school is University of Maryland College Park. While thinking about my life I realized I have to stop this back and forth game between these two men. It's really getting old and one is trying to put demands on me about the other and I really dont have time for it. But I will say both of these guys are there for me when I need them to be, but one is only there when it benefits us working out. Not saying he don't care about me, but if we dont have any shot at working on anything I am left high and dry. But not the other one, we can have a disagreement and thats all it is a disagreement. 10 mins later we are cracking up about something else. I am very big on loyalty and trust. Right now I am going through a hard time and its funny you see people for who they are when you are going through your hard times. You see the goodness as well as the ugly. When I need something I don't have to ask one of them to do anything he just knows I need help and if he can do it he's there for me no matter what personal choices I have made. That's all I ask from all my friends let me make my own choices but if you don't agree with them hey its my life. I will still be cool with you if you don't agree with my choices I just don't want anyone in my corner who's only there if I do what they want me to do. I am just not that type of person when it comes to my personal life.
I have my kids to think about, but I also have myself to think about. I know my kids want me to be happy but I have to ask myself who am I more happier with. Who makes me smile, who's there for me, and who do I think will always be there for me. But not only me who can be there for my kids as well. I am a package deal I don't want my kids to be happy and I am miserable or I am happy and my kids are miserable. We all have to be happy or nothing will work. I am not settling anymore, I want it all and if one man cant give it to me then their are plenty others out there. That's how I am looking at it from now on. Well time for me to get somethings done TTYL
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